YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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