Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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