Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
