DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
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