so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
