Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
