so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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