Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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