she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
