So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
