evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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