I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
