Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize