I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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