True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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