her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
well most of my day revolves around power hour
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
