Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
