your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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