I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize