i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
