I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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