Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
