so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
