hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Randomize
