since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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