as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
