Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize