I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize