I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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