i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
