what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
