Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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