I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
