Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
