Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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