its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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