Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
