My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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