Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
