Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
