i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
