For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
