My room smells like vodka and shame
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize