farters have to be the big spoon...
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
