You're completely useless in the revolution.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
