watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
