I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
