stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
