VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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