Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
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