It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
