therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
