Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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