@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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