I seem to have left my pride at pride
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
