Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
