I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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