I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
