Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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