I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
