I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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