So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize