You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
