Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize