And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
