I feel great
I just peed on a car
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
