I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
