What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
