On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
