I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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